girlfriend your contract is under

Girlfriend: Your Contract is Under Review

-To: My Girlfriend

-Re: Your repeated attempts to cuddle while watching Ultimate Fighting

Championship

Dear Girlfriend:

Have you ever been to a movie theatre to watch a movie that you were

totally excited about, and then the big moment of the movie came and

it really hit home with you and you started to cry? Then some jerk two

rows back started laughing because he thought that that part of the

movie was particularly ridiculous and deserving of his dismissive

laughter? Did you feel like he just spat on what was supposed to be a

great experience in your life?

Think about that, please.

This letter is intended to serve as a formal notice that it is

absolutely not acceptable for you to attempt any sort of cuddling

while I am watching Ultimate Fighting Championship. It is expected

that from the date of this notice that you will adjust your actions

accordingly and that there will be no further incidents.

Thanks in advance, and I look forward to improving our working

relationship.