so then my girlfriend and i broke up

So Then My Girlfriend and I Broke Up

And that's really all I'm going to say about it.

(Except this: So there were two earth shattering celebrity break-ups

that overlapped with my own - Reese and Ryan; Britney and K-Fed - and

while the stories were generally amusing (Ryan cheating, K-Fed

singing, etc.) I have to say I was unimpressed. And yes, I understand

that saying this makes me sound very unforthcoming, heterosexually

speaking, but the fact of the matter is my own story was so much more

exciting. Not that we're going to talk about it, but let's just say

that instead of having a fight and then being kicked out of the

500,000 square foot Malibu estate and being relegated to the sparsely

decorated Miami condo, I had to load my crap into a U-Haul and drive

it to my parents' house. And instead of having my attorney negotiate

terms with her attorney, I had to be like, "Can I take one of your

pillows? Because I don't have any." What I'm saying is, I don't get

the fascination with celebrity break-ups. What we should be fascinated

with is normal people's break-ups. Like there should be a whole

website dedicated to unearthing the details of ordinary couples'

devastating separations. Example: Which of the following items would

you rather read on a boring Monday morning?

Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger filed for divorce over the weekend

citing irreconcilable differences. Apparently, on Saturday evening

Renee Zellweger opened her eyes for a few seconds and realized that

she was mistaken, she meant to marry Keith Urban. Chesney, an

alcoholic country singer, didn't care. They have agreed to take their

millions and go live posh lives in separate gated communities.

or

Pamela and Tim broke up early Sunday morning when Tim admitted that

while free-basing with a few friends at a party, one thing led to

another and he got a couple of blow jobs because he wanted to see if

he could tell the difference between white girls and Asians. Pamela,

who thought she was going to marry Tim, spent the rest of the night

drinking Rum and cutting herself just to feel something different.

I think you get the point. And no one steal this idea, because it's

pretty much my only hope for a prosporous future. And my [DEL:

attorney :DEL] law school student friend has advised me that by

posting it on my blog, it is officially copyrighted. He also advised

me that my template was "bland" and that that's not how you spell

"prosperous," but you don't become Ecuador's first janitor / [DEL: