girlfriend insurance

Girlfriend insurance

You see that picture? That's my hot friend Dizzles and her hot mother,

Pati.

That right there is what I like to call "Girlfriend Insurance".

Let me explain: you ever see a hot chick and then meet her mom and her

mom is all fat and not hot at all? And you think, "What the fuck? How

the hell did that happen?" You might even wonder if your friend is

adopted. Either way, you probably don't give it a second thought.

But you should.

Cuz what you're looking at there, my friends, is the future.

Like it or not, chicks turn into their mothers. It happens to all of

them. Yes, every single one. I can't explain it, I'm not a scientist

or nothing. I didn't go to college and I don't even know how to read

or write. I have to dictate these blogs to my helper monkey, Alfonse.

I'm an idiot, happy now? Send me bananas.

You're probably thinking, "nah, not my girlfriend!" or maybe you don't

give a shit because you're not planning on sticking around more than a

few months anyway, but if you ARE and you DO (give a shit), trust me,

it's gonna happen.

Perhaps you're not super-shallow like me. Perhaps you think I'm an

asshole. You could even be one of those people who thinks the world is

flat and the sun revolves around the earth. Maybe you think ice cream

grows on trees in the middle of Cotton Candy Forest behind Jellybean

Mountain. I don't know.

Look, we're getting off the point here. I'm trying to help you people

but all you wanna do is crucify me for thinking it's OK to punch a

midget if he's dressed up like a baby. It's like my Nana always said,

"You've got pudding pop juice all over your sweater and you're asking

Grandma if you can borrow her Jet-Ski? Wake up, boy! The world ain't

gonna change your diapers for you unless your poop is made of gold!"

And that old bitch was right.

My friend Dizzles is hot and she is guaranteed to stay hot because her

mom is hot. That's called "Girlfriend Insurance". I mean shit, look at

them! I honestly can't tell which one is hotter. Don't make me pick.

Besides, we're not here to talk about whether or not I've thought

about these two making out with each other in a hot tub. Because I

have. And I only said "making out" cuz my mom reads this blog and I

don't want any boyfriends or fathers kicking my ass.

What the hell was my point? Jesus Christ, I don't even remember. Go

Red Sox?

posted by Hollywood Phony at 7:25 PM

1 Comments:

Blogger MJB said...

NOMAHHHHH! He doesn't play for them anymore but I appreciate

the Sox reference. I'm glad you used some tact and stopped

where you did because if you had gone any further than wishing

a mom and her daughter to make out that would have been gross.

6:40 PM

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