video girlfriend

Video Game v. Girlfriend?

Ladies, I'd like to take a poll. Please offer up your opinions

regarding boyfriends over the age of 25 whom find it uberimportant to

play video games. This is a free speech poll, but please do not

mention names if using examples... we don't want to hurt anyone's

reputation, do we?

Please find below some interesting points of view that I extrapolated

from a website called Joystiq, which offered up an article on

'Girlfriends against Video Games' based on a group at Kansas State

University. The following text is derived from the university's paper,

the Kansas State Collegian. (Meanwhile, keep in mind that our poll is

strictly limited to men over the age of 25 who play video games... NOT

college-aged boys.)

Where do you stand?

My boyfriend is a dork.

You've probably seen him; he's that guy sitting in the back of your

classroom wearing a fuzzy bathrobe and mismatched shoes. Seriously,

turn around - he's back there.

Despite the fact that I'm continually amazed by the extent of his

dorkiness, he's kind of a cool dork, and I'd like him to continue

being my boyfriend.

Because of this, I've sacrificed much of my own coolness to

acclimate myself to the dork subculture. In time, I've come to

tolerate and sometimes even enjoy dorky staples like online comic

strips, anime and Adult Swim.

I'm lying. I still can't tolerate anime.

By far, the hardest thing to get used to was the hours upon hours

spent using a chunk of plastic and some cords to make a little guy

on TV fight with other little guys on TV. For most people lacking a

Y chromosome, everything about video games is confusing, from the

plotline to the controllers to why it was necessary to skip all

classes the day "Halo 2" came out.

Because dorky boys will not soon put down the controllers, and

because - just like hell - the world of video games has many

levels, here's a taste of what you're in for if the love of your

life is an Xbox-aholic.

Level one: 16-bit bliss

If your boyfriend's video game addiction is confined to a Super

Nintendo, count yourself a lucky woman. Games like "Donkey Kong"

and "Super Mario World" are typically no more complicated than

running, jumping and eating bananas. Even my mom can handle these

games.

Some games, like "Super Smash Brothers," take the spirit of these

primitive offerings and adapt it to an advanced gaming system. Even

though it's almost entirely combat, "Smash Brothers" isn't too hard

to understand. If all else fails, do what I do - keep hitting the B

button until your thumb cramps.

Level two: Role-playing games

These can be hit-or-miss. If the game has a stupid plotline (and,

to be fair, most do), be prepared for hours of boredom and high

levels of irritation when your boyfriend shows more affection for

the game characters than for you.

However, if you find a good game, watch out - entire weekends can

disappear in a game-induced stupor. When I got my boyfriend

"Fable," I became so engrossed in its intricate plotline (my

character could barter, go fishing, get married and kill wasps with

an iron katana) that the only task I accomplished for an entire

week was finding the 20 silver keys necessary to obtain the Murren

Greathammer.

When I finally found it, I wept with joy. And then I slapped

myself.

Level three: First-person shooters

Girls who can understand and even enjoy "Halo" shouldn't be reading

this article -- they should be deciding between the thousands of

guys fighting over the opportunity to date them.

For the other girls, I have no advice. "Halo" is stupid, and you'll

become stupider if you try to understand it. If your boyfriend

can't live without three hours of "Halo" a night, all is not lost

-- that's three hours a night you have to study, hang out with

friends or possibly find a new boyfriend.

Level four: The agony of MMORPGs (massive multiplayer online role

playing games)

In these games, dorky boys pay a monthly fee to play very

complicated online games with people around the world. These are

bad news. If a boy ever breaks plans to attend an online meeting

with other gamers, this is legitimate grounds for breaking up. If

he refers to this engagement as a "guild meeting," it's definitely

time to break up.

Immediately.

Jaci Boydston somehow found time to write this column between "Doom

3" sessions, and the editors managed to proofread it while putting

"Rengoku: The Tower of Purgatory" on pause. Please send your

comments to opinion@spub.ksu.edu.