i found his ex girlfriends blog

I found his ex-girlfriend's blog.

It wasn't entirely accidental. It wasn't entirely intentional either.

Let's just leave it at that.

The blog is less "here is my heart and my soul and my head; enjoy,

Internet Strangers" (ahem) and more "here are pictures of myself, my

husband and my daughter; enjoy, Family and Friends."

I've often wondered about her. Okay, full disclosure: I've often

wondered what she looks like.

My initial reaction, upon seeing a photo of her, was that she is the

complete opposite of me: short, petite, blonde, dark lipstick, chunky

wedge heels. Maybe his taste has changed since high school; maybe he's

just happier over here on the tall, curvy, brunette, light lip gloss,

sleek stilettos side.

She's the only one of his exes that we openly talk about, mainly

because she is as "safe" as an ex-girlfriend can be - they dated in

high school, she's now married with a child, they live hundreds of

miles away. Him referencing her doesn't drudge up my (admittedly very

sensitive) insecurities. I know that they're still friendly, that they

still exchange emails and birthday cards, and I'm okay with it.

Well, I'm kind of okay with it. You see, on my 24th birthday, which I

celebrated in Boston, she and her husband were going to come to the

bar to meet us (happy birthday to Clink, eh). She backed out last

minute, citing a cold. I later found out from the Boy that she told

him she wasn't ready to meet me. She was pregnant at the time and felt

fat and unattractive and wasn't ready to be compared to her successor,

"least of all a gorgeous 24 year old" (her words).

That bothered me. How healthy is it that, 17 years and her marriage

later, she's still not ready to meet another girlfriend of his? I

understand that there's something about first love that is inherently

possessive and sensitive. You're always going to want to see that

person the way you saw them when you dated and included in that is the

fact that then they were yours and yours alone. However, most of us

get over that with time and, uh, other relationships. The fact that

she hasn't yet is a red flag. The fact that she confides in the Boy

during rough spots in her marriage and tells him things that she

admittedly doesn't tell her own family is another.

I've chosen to take the non-psychotic road on this one (you: shock,

awe). And trust me, it's fairly easy for me to cross that line and

become a psycho, raving, jealous, insecure lunatic, especially when

petite blonde ex-girlfriends are concerned. No surprise there.

However, I see it as, yeah, she was his first, so what. I'm going to

be his last, his everything. Take that, shorty.