girlfriends field guide to dating desi

A Girlfriend's Field Guide to Dating Desi Dudes

I am sure that wisdom of the crowds abounds on the said topic. Expect

no Rosetta Stone that will banish your woes in one fell swoop should

you be that luckless desi dudette still looking out for one and have

just about given up on desi-dom.

Words of wisdom from one who has been there and done that (sorta,

kinda atleast) Girlfriend, look further afield if you happen to be

color-blind and you will be pleasantly surprised. If you are not,

prepare for an arduous struggle. I am not saying that "The Man" is not

out there in Desiland. Just that you may have undergone a couple of

cataract procedures and be a case bordering on Medicaid by the time he

shows up in your life. Don't loose hope just yet. Hang in there and

wait for the miracle to happen. If your grandma knew she would

doubtless prescribe an amulet to expedite the process.

My non-desi girl-friends are anxious to know why I am not out there

scoping the horizon and the available dudes for good measure when

(apparently) logically I should be doing just that. For starters they

are not desi, ergo they would not even begin to comprehend the dynamic

of a desi dating-tending to-mating situation.

This nugget of wisdom is for those of you who are on-line looking

comes from my friend M, who has been largely singleton for a while.

There have been a couple of fun encounters with the "great guy with

commitment phobia" types but that does not count. These guys are the

outliers that skew the very demographic of date-ready desi dudes. A

discussion on them remains due for the next edition.

She says "Go for quantity and not quality" Have handy a filter

criteria to winnow husk from grain. Easier said than done. It is

somewhat like finding a size 4 tailored skirt by DKNY on a sale rack

for under $15. We're talking Nordstrom's by the way. I've had luck

with that and am sure so have many others. As with much else in life,

perseverance is key to success.

After the first pass you should have very few dudes left to consider

paying attention to. If not I would encourage a second pass through a

filter that is more sieve and less funnel. Due diligence makes all the

difference between months of agony suffering dudes that will never

past muster in the end.

Again from the aforementioned friend "Chat is a waste of time unless

the dude in question has an impressive sense of humor and makes the

stress of your work day vanish" Get on the phone and also by the way

always "Think Local" follow up with an in person meeting if the phone

screen was positive. Long distance liaisons are hard to keep up with

even for the best for us. If you looking to set yourself a stretch

target just for the kicks then I guess it's worth it.

Desi dudes are a lot like cars rolling out of an assembly line. Except

for individual quirks everything else is part of standard equipment.

So while there is a world of difference between a DX and a souped-up

EX vehicle the basic stuff inside is very similar if you get my drift.

For instance while perusing an online profile discount 2-3 inches from

the stated height of the dude. The most scary figures are 5'8" and

5'9". All flags should go up on encountering these. The said dude

could range between 5'4" to 5'6". Before getting into in inextricable

romantic mess online ask to meet. Wear your stilettos to the meeting

and the rest will turn to history in short order. Save your self

needless agony upon the aftermath. You deserve better.

"Athletic" build to most of us girls conjure up images of Ravi Shastri

or Imran Khan in their prime. Welcome to the world of the online desi

dude. Here the word has a whole different spin. A sizeable paunch,

invisible biceps and triceps, stooped shoulders are all qualifiers for

"athletic". Do not set your hopes high. If you always wondered at our

country's prowess at all things sporting you should have found your

answer now.

After making those adjustments what is left is what you get (if you're

lucky). If that is something you think you can live with the meeting

at Starbucks is strongly encouraged.

Desi dudes fall at two ends of a spectrum. One type will remain in a

state of perma-frost until dating ends in mating or does not. You may

be justified in worrying if the man is a closet gay going through the

motions to preserve family honor or affirm his manhood to himself. The

other type will ask you within a couple of days of connecting with you

online "What flavor do you prefer in fruit-flavored condoms ?" There

is no middle of the road for the typical desi dude in the dating

universe. Girlfriends are obviously desperate to meet him and upon

being found he goes off the market in a heart-beat. The attrition rate

being so abnormally high there is a sense of artificial crisis if not

complete absence.

Both types of dudes I mention are probably desirous of dating and more

but with the vibes they send out it would be a cold day in hell before

a smart desi dudette falls for one for them. So our quest goes on.

There will be success in the end I am sure.