bad girlfriend

Bad Girlfriend?

So I go through these phases where I am convinced I am a "bad

girlfriend." It's a little neurotic I must admit. I was rereading some

comments I left on his blog where he was being down and I just handed

it right back to him. I mean who does that? Apparently I do.

Regardless of the circumstances, I will not just "get along" longer

than a couple days. I can play nice for a couple days, but after that

I am not able to pretend like everything is okay and nothing is wrong.

Even if it is not a great time to bring up the subject, I do anyways,

not caring who else is around or whatever. I am just really bad at

hiding or masking my disappointment or anger. Adam likes that about

me. Sometimes though, I know I will get over whatever is bothering me

and tomorrow I won't even care about something I was so mad about

today. So then letting something blow over is a good idea, but usually

I can't just let things blow over. Usually if there is a reason I am

mad, we both see it as a problem that must be fixed. So I am a bad

girlfriend in the sense that sometimes I really should just let things

blow over and not be so nitpicky, but I don't seem to be able to do

that.

Most days Adam is such a good boyfriend. Caring and thoughtful. He

worries about me when he is in a combat zone in Iraq, he worries if I

seem unhappy or down. He never used to worry about anything ever. I

guess he does now. I am also a bad girlfriend in the sense that when I

am down, I think he should comfort me. So he does, even when he is a

million miles away in a war zone. He tries really hard to find a way

to comfort me. That is really a nice thing to do I have to say.

Despite all of this, all the faults, there is some good about this

stuff. The silver lining is that no matter what the circumstances are

I am true to who I am. This is something Adam can expect, depend on

and count on. Regardless of what is going on, voicing my beliefs, and

concerns is always the rock solid place that I come from. He knows

that I am not being a drama queen. He knows me so we can cut to the

chase when we need to talk about something, which is good considering

our normal 30 Minute time limit. I don't have to work up to what I am

saying.

The other good thing is right now, it doesn't take much to comfort me.

I know he is trying hard to call me, know he is reading my blog and

responding the best he can, and know he is doing everything in his

power to keep me as informed as possible given the circumstances. So

even a little note, or a comment that he found sometime to read my

blog would be enough to make me feel very special. I know things would

be small to other people, but really do mean the world to me.

So maybe I am a bad girlfriend I don't know, I can't tell. I do know

that it just works between us, bad girlfriend or not, we seem to have

a system of sorts. It gets us through.

PS If you are wondering why I have been blogging so much lately it's

because I have no friends here in Texas that are nearby. Oh well, more